Why am I so angry?

Growing up, I used to look at strong women filled with anger while making any point against the patriarchy, and I used to think, what’s the big deal? I quickly labelled them as “difficult women” whom everyone wanted to avoid at all costs. We don’t tolerate strong women and that’s a reality. Later, when I got a bit older, I realised that their anger was valid because women have been oppressed in our society for decades. We’re told not to speak loudly, not to express our thoughts, not to fight, not to disagree, not to go against our elders, not to rebel, and whatnot. We are expected to behave in a manner that is only convenient and accepted by others our whole life. As long as we keep following the instructions, we are termed “good”. God forbid we raise our voices against anything wrong. This conditioning can breed deep-seated anger.

Not all of us are fortunate enough to be born into a family that values us as an individual. For the majority of women, casual sexism is a reality at home. Some parents might even claim to be progressive by stating that they treat their daughters as sons. What exactly is the issue in raising your daughters as daughters? Are daughters in some way less deserving to be loved and cared for? I never understood this statement.

I also deeply sympathize with the parents. They didn’t grow up in the same environment we did. They’ve fought battles we can’t possibly imagine in today’s world. However, their struggles don’t excuse their resistance to change or inability to admit mistakes. We can acknowledge their challenges while still advocating for progress.

This isn’t just a woman’s issue. I’m sure many readers, regardless of gender, can relate. Even pointing out a single parental misstep can lead to labels of ingratitude. We’re reminded of our “place” and shamed for speaking up against our self-proclaimed ‘Gods’. No wonder many of us carry so much resentment and anger in our hearts, resulting in diseases when we grow older. Dr Gaber Maté has written extensively about the link between unexpressed emotions and physical health in women in his books, but I won’t be going into too much detail for now.

Disrespect is the one thing I cannot tolerate. It’s baffling to consider when and how the idea of a woman’s place being inferior to a man’s became so ingrained. Who decided to silence women’s emotions, needs, desires, and voices? Why are we expected to live our lives dictated by the choices of others? This isn’t to say everyone subscribes to this outdated view, but it’s a reality for many women. This obsolete view persists, but it doesn’t have to define us.

So, I understand the source of this rage. I understand why it’s crucial to talk about these things, especially now. It’s essential to take a stand. Every day, I think about how I can do more to help the women out there who are struggling. I dream of a world where women grow up with high self-esteem, a quality that can empower them throughout their lives. In this world, every girl would understand her inherent worth and wouldn’t be seen as someone to be controlled.

Ladies, you don’t need to avoid arguments for family peace or to be a good daughter/wife/mother. You need to fight for a more equal world. Have those hard conversations at home, with friends, colleagues, everyone. Because if we don’t raise these issues, no one will. It’s better to express your emotions healthily now; otherwise, your body will suffer later. Fight for what you believe in. It’s not just needed; it’s crucial for your health.

This isn’t a call to become domineering or aggressive. It’s a call to find your voice, express your anger healthily, and fight for what you believe in. Fight for respect and the freedom to be your authentic self.

For God’s sake, Fight. It’s worth it!